A Little Help Please?! Crap-Master Crap McCrapenstein

What the hell should I do with my life - because I tell you - what I'm doing now just ain't gonna cut it for much longer! Spring always gets me down. I'm pretty confidant that I'm not a big fan of Spring... a time of rebirth - my ass! It's a time to realize all the things that you could have gotten done last year, but didn't. Can I blame my parents for any of this crap that I'm feeling? Probably not, but let me try... Damn you Mom and Dad for not forcing me into organized sports or music lessons. Damn you for allowing me to have a fun and carefree childhood. Well, crap - that didn't work! Unfortunately I have a too-Zen approach to life. Given the fact that I've never had to really work at anything, I've never really worked to achieve anything. Things will happen when they're supposed to. I'm at a point that I just cannot let that be good enough anymore. Get over it and make it happen! But, what is it that I want to make happen? Suggestions are welcome... This past summer was pretty much an embarrassment for me. Yes, it was a rainy, crappy summer - but not every single day was crap. I work at a job that is running towards the end of it's lifespan - at least on my end. So, no matter how beautiful it is when I come home, there is only so much I can do, I'm mentally exhausted and pretty tired to boot. I do get a little bitter and resentful given the fact that my dear husband has been out of work for over a year now (including an entire summer), and that our home and our life is not where I had hoped it would be by now. My dream of being garlic farmers has been dashed (smashed?) I was hoping to have 500 cloves in the ground - we have maybe 30... I'm frustrated that I cannot live the life I want to live. Hey, I guess that's my fault - I need to live the life I want - just do it. Just do it - that's a nice way of saying "shit or get off the pot!" Does it sound like it's time for a self help book, some sort of inspirational, motivational story? Let me explore what's on my bookshelf...

Here's what I found:

• The Celestine Prophecy - great book, many things to take to heart. A gift from a nice couple from Florida traveling 'cross country. I met them in the shoe repair emporium I was working in at the time. But, everything happens for a reason...
• Bus 9 To Paradise - haven't read it in many many years. It was given to me as a gift for my 17th birthday by Tammy Sepe. I miss her. I don't even remember what the book is about. On the cover it states, Inspiring #1 Bestseller. join the beloved author on a mythical "bus" for a journey that proves earthly paradise can be yours in the here and now...
• Silent Spring - not a self-help book, but an absolute must read! Kinda puts life into perspective.
• The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness - again, not really a self-help book, but who wouldn't want to read this book?! What a beautiful man!!

Oh yeah, there's lots more that I could bitch / write about. But, I think I'm pretty spent for the night. Tune in next time for the adventures of "The Muds of Spring, How Can a Child Get THAT Muddy THAT Quickly?!"

Are White Crayons Evil? -or- I Love So Much In This World

Where do I begin...

Our child is an interesting little critter, that's for sure. For the past four years she has wanted nothing to do with crayons. I'll pause here and make it known to those that may not be in "the know" about crayons - THERE IS ONLY ONE CRAYON - AND CRAYOLA BE THY NAME. I may be a little passionate about this subject... Ok, so absolutely no interest in crayons for the last four years, barely any interest in the huge crayon carousel at the Crayola Factory, even. But, now we're a bit obsessed with them! Emma is a peeler and a breaker. She likes to use the tiny little pieces, so she will methodically peel the crayon and then kneel on it to snap it into pieces. We explained to her that was kinda like what Oma did to her hand! The rumor is that - Mom broke her hand falling off the mechanical bull. Teeheehee.

So here we have dozens upon dozens of tiny little crayon pieces and a bright pink garbage can full of crayon wrappers. And then I stumble upon a handful of unused, "fully clothed" white crayons... and then another and then another. Hmmm. The child has a thing with white crayons. Of course she has colored paper - I totally get that she doesn't want to use a white crayon on the white paper. She has green paper, but she's not abandoning the green crayons? Silly girl!

While snuggling with me on the couch Emma started singing about dragonflies and unicorns. (next she'll be singing about butterflies and moonbeams - she already talks about zebras and fairy tales... ) "there's so much in this world that I love - yeah, yeah" The kid is a sing-songer. Life is a song for her. She inspires me.