A Little Help Please?! Crap-Master Crap McCrapenstein

What the hell should I do with my life - because I tell you - what I'm doing now just ain't gonna cut it for much longer! Spring always gets me down. I'm pretty confidant that I'm not a big fan of Spring... a time of rebirth - my ass! It's a time to realize all the things that you could have gotten done last year, but didn't. Can I blame my parents for any of this crap that I'm feeling? Probably not, but let me try... Damn you Mom and Dad for not forcing me into organized sports or music lessons. Damn you for allowing me to have a fun and carefree childhood. Well, crap - that didn't work! Unfortunately I have a too-Zen approach to life. Given the fact that I've never had to really work at anything, I've never really worked to achieve anything. Things will happen when they're supposed to. I'm at a point that I just cannot let that be good enough anymore. Get over it and make it happen! But, what is it that I want to make happen? Suggestions are welcome... This past summer was pretty much an embarrassment for me. Yes, it was a rainy, crappy summer - but not every single day was crap. I work at a job that is running towards the end of it's lifespan - at least on my end. So, no matter how beautiful it is when I come home, there is only so much I can do, I'm mentally exhausted and pretty tired to boot. I do get a little bitter and resentful given the fact that my dear husband has been out of work for over a year now (including an entire summer), and that our home and our life is not where I had hoped it would be by now. My dream of being garlic farmers has been dashed (smashed?) I was hoping to have 500 cloves in the ground - we have maybe 30... I'm frustrated that I cannot live the life I want to live. Hey, I guess that's my fault - I need to live the life I want - just do it. Just do it - that's a nice way of saying "shit or get off the pot!" Does it sound like it's time for a self help book, some sort of inspirational, motivational story? Let me explore what's on my bookshelf...

Here's what I found:

• The Celestine Prophecy - great book, many things to take to heart. A gift from a nice couple from Florida traveling 'cross country. I met them in the shoe repair emporium I was working in at the time. But, everything happens for a reason...
• Bus 9 To Paradise - haven't read it in many many years. It was given to me as a gift for my 17th birthday by Tammy Sepe. I miss her. I don't even remember what the book is about. On the cover it states, Inspiring #1 Bestseller. join the beloved author on a mythical "bus" for a journey that proves earthly paradise can be yours in the here and now...
• Silent Spring - not a self-help book, but an absolute must read! Kinda puts life into perspective.
• The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness - again, not really a self-help book, but who wouldn't want to read this book?! What a beautiful man!!

Oh yeah, there's lots more that I could bitch / write about. But, I think I'm pretty spent for the night. Tune in next time for the adventures of "The Muds of Spring, How Can a Child Get THAT Muddy THAT Quickly?!"